I am very very proud of my lil man :] Today was the first Sunday in awhile that we have been able to make it to church due to us being in IL, having visitors, or bein on vacation! Noah and I made an agreement that when worship was over during service that we would take Eli to the nursery! I was literally sick to my stomach at the thought of this- considering the last time we took him he screamed and cried and tried to break through the gate at me... guh my heart was broken for the week and I was super sad, crying during service myself. I felt like the worst Mommy on the planet- but at the same time I knew I had to force myself to walk away once he calmed down or I would never ever bring him back again...
SO today gets to be the time to take Eli to nursery. Noah said- "do you want me to take him?" I said "Noooo I need to go to the bathroom anyway so I will just crush my heart more and take him." Haha! On the way there I kept telling him how he would have fun with the kids and eat a snack and watch movies and play with toys. I wondered if he would do better too since him and I have been going to playgroup with other Mommy's and their kids on Wednesdays. He has gotten pretty close with some of the kids there that he never knew before... so I was trying to think as positive as I could.
Now call me a big baby but I just can't help it. My heart gets crushed to ever see my lil man cry because he doesn't want us to leave, and everything else along those lines etc. I am sure every Mommy feels that way. It is even harder on me because the time I started to stay home with him, he was 4 months old and didn't react yet when I dropped him off every morning since he was so young. I on the other hand- would bawl on the way to work. SO considering he is almost 18 months and I am leaving him for an hour at the most to someone other than family or a friend, it crushes me soooo bad and is just as hard for me. I am working on getting better at it- and today was a success with helping with that! I truly know it is from playgroup too- he has been able to interact with kids and other Mamas and it has helped him out with being in a new area and new people in the nursery too! I am so glad we go to playgroup- it is such a good time for both him and me!
When we got into the room I held him for awhile and then put him on the ground as he started to point at Veggie Tales on the TV and the other kids. He didn't cry a bit and just kept lookin back at me and smiling and waving! I then sat him in a chair and got him snack with the other kids and his drink and he looked at me and I said "Mommy will be back to get you- I love you and you have fun with the kids." He smiled and did pretty well and then when he turned to watch the TV I looked at the nursery lady and said "he seems to be doing well- I am going to sneak out now while it is going good for his sake and my own" haha! So I snuck out and he was still very good! I was signing a sheet with his info and getting a pager in case they had to page me during service if he got too upset and I heard him whine and say "Mama Mama" and the nursery lady said- "she will be back to get you soon hunny." I leaned against the wall to make sure he was okay- looked in to see she was holding him and he was watching TV- so off to the service and back to Noah I went no matter how hard it was for me. Seeing him that way was a lot better then the first experience.
When I went to pick him up he was soooo excited to see me. He ran with a firetruck in his hand yellin "Mama Mama Mama" I stood there with tears in my eyes and hugged him so much. I love him so so much... and that was totally sweet. I now feel a lot better about the nursery and sending him there. It's only fair for him to be with other kids his age when needed and so he understands more, no matter how hard it may be for me. I am so proud of him and feel so good about it now. I cross my fingers and toes that it remains to keep going this way as we continue to go! Listen to me... going on and on. I just can't help myself- it's the kinda Mommy I am!!!! Sending him off to Pre-school is going to be one hard hard hard day for me- but lil Zacary will also be with me then too... so I am sure he will keep my mind off of it as much! I LOVE YOU ELIJAH ANDREW... you make my world more complete then I could ever imagine <3
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