*** Reflux- I hate you ***

Dear Reflux that is hurting my baby Zacary's poor belly,

PLEASE go away- you are causing very sad times, and even some tears. I know hate is a strong word, but you have me to that point right now with how sad you make my baby. The meds that Dr Roberts gave us for you is helping, but now all of a sudden you are taking over again even when Zacary has his meds and hurting him very badly. So bad, the poor baby does not want to be touched or his belly even gently rubbed b/c it hurts him :[:[ This makes out for a very very sad Mommy, and baby boy. I wish I could punch you for putting my son in pain. My poor baby can't talk to tell me what is wrong- so goooooo away please! I pray for this- so much. In the mean time, I am calling the Dr again b/c I will not see anymore phases of him in so much pain and so uncomfortable. As his Mommy- of course I am able to calm him down and get him back to a happy boy- but at the same time, I take blame for all of this and feel like I am doing wrong with everything. I pray you go away, and never ever ever come back. Kapeesh? I hope you understand!

We had a perfect evening last night, as well as a perfect morning today with Zacary feeling wonderful. He even slept for the first time in his crib last night in his room and slept all night from 9pm to 8:30am this morning! I missed him so much and didn't sleep the best myself- but that's natural for a Mommy to do. His meds kicked the reflux butt last night and he was oh so awesome and happy all evening so we decided to try out the crib and it turned out successful for both him and myself ha! The same went on this morning for him too- all smiles, so happy, nothing hurting his belly and he was bein his normal cute self and then boooooom this afternoon it all kicked in again with the belly aches :[ This makes me oh so sad, stressed, and worried all in one. I wish I could take the pain away. He wants his Mommy's comfort and I am giving all I can for him for sure- and always will no matter what!

So tell me- why am I blaming myself? Why am I getting upset with myself over all this? I know it is b/c I love my babies soooo much and I hate seeing my babies with any tears flowing or in their eyes, or in any kind of pain. Makes me a very sad Mommy and this situation has made for a very sad last 2 periods of belly aches in the last 2 days. Zacary goes through with this deal and Eli has bathroom problems so went thru pain growing as well- just why oh flippin why? I know us Mommy's all have a time to ask "why?" in our lives though... but how terribly sad.

:[ I hope you feel better soon lil buddy. I love yoooou and I will do anything for you in thee world... I promise that always and forever. Even though Mommy can't take away your pain even though she would so much if she could, Always remember I am here to love you so much and help you through everything in life my lil guy... Kisses and hugs to my lil guy from Mommy, Daddy, and your best friend BIG brother <3

Love,
Mommy

PS- I type this as my sweet baby sleeps on my chest so peacefully. I am certainly very glad he is feeling much better now that I have calmed him down, and he actually chose to eat some formula! Let's keep up the good work reflux... or else!!!! This is no joke...