We went to the same Trinity Fellowship Church this morning and loved it once again. However, this Mama went through something I never want to experience again. We had decided after last week to just take Eli to the nursery while the Pastor was speaking, which is the last 30 minutes of service. We figured this would help him get adjusted and since he is too young and doesn’t want to sit still and play, it’s only fair for him to be able to interact with the other kids as well. PLUS not only that, but since I am home with him every day and he isn’t around kids anymore, it’s still important for him to get some play time in with kids! It isn’t something I ever worry about with him- but it is something he loves and it is good for him. So I was feeling pretty strong about this and I felt it was right to do just for 30 minutes of service.
After worship was over I asked Noah if I could take Eli to the nursery. You know us Mamas, you just want to be there for the first time of something. Now since I stay home with him and have for as far back as his lil brain can remember, he has never been left at any day care. SO this results in a first time for me, and him. I felt good about this though, and felt it was going to be okay. I was wrong… and it was a baaaad decision for me to take the lil man for the first time.
The nursery is set up very nice, and the couples who do the nursery are very very nice people. There are a lot of other little kids in the room too and they have you sign your name as the parent, your child’s name, and grab a pager and write the pager number down so that if your child is upset or something is wrong, they will page you during the service to come get him/her. Very good idea folks- and it made me feel so much better.
We walk into the room and I am holding Eli and showing him that Barney is on, all the kids that wanted to play with him, and the different toys. He was doing very good at this point and making excited noises. I then put him on the ground and BAM- change of actions right then and there. He hung to me and screamed and cried. I said “Oh buddy you will be okay- I promise you me and Daddy will be back very soon.” And he still cried. I looked at the couple doing nursery and said, “OK- this is our second time here and I know he is at the age where he can come here, but if he is upset like this I just want to take him with me.” They assured me he would be ok- but hello people- my heart was absolutely crushed to pieces to see him this way. SO I gave in and picked him up again and he calmed down as I showed him all the kids and toys again. I proceeded to put him down again- and BAM- same reaction. There was noooo way I wanted to leave him. The lady assured me again he would be OK and that I could go ahead and go to the service and she would page me if it continued. WHAT? How does a Mama leave when her child is this upset? At this rate, I felt like the worst Mommy in thee world. The lady must have known me too well already and she knew if I didn’t leave him today- I would never bring him back because of the way he was reacting. And BINGO- she was definitely right. I proceeded to walk out the gate, where he ran after me and tried to break through the gate. I walked to him 3 different times before I could go back to service. I just wanted to make sure he was okay. I am such a worry wart- aren’t I!? This was soooo hard for me, and people I will say- this is one of a million reasons I am home with my lil man. If I had a job, I would be fired because I would NOT go to work with him this sad. By the time the third time came I walked back to him, he had calmed down. The lady’s husband took him and said “let’s go read a book” BINGO- Eli loves books so he calmed down. I watched them read a bit and then something told me “Jess just keep going back to Noah- he will be okay and it is better to do this now then when he is older and will understand even more.” It made me feel good he was okay- so I walked off fast. I cried like thee biggest baby ever the way back to the service… not to mention, I grasped the pager so tight the whole service and had nothing on my mind but Mr Eli.
SO you may be asking right now, is she that crazy of a Mama? I don’t mean to be crazy… I just love him so much and this just broke my heart. I know I am meant to be home with him and this kind of stuff just shatters me. I sat in service to realize even more that he will adjust just fine and he will love to be with the kids. It is better for him to get adjusted to something even once a week at the church nursery then never at all. By the time he goes to preschool, it may be worse on him if he doesn’t get interaction time with kids away from us now- ya know? I plan to join a Mom’s Group and this will help out too and will be a lot of fun! I am doing this to help my matter of when he will do things and be with kids more, as well as showing him it is good to have lil friends too. Since we are home each and everyday- which is something I would never trade for theeee world- we are both used to that and it is going to be harder on both of us the older he gets and the more time I wait. Am I a bad Mommy here!? I feel like one and have been punching myself all day over this situation. I told Noah- I will always shower that lil boy's love alllll the time when I am with him each and everyday. I said it was a mistake for me to take him today- and he said he will take him from now on. Yikes- it just crushes me to 2 pieces. BUT I know this is what is good for him since he is at the age where he can be with other kids and have play time in the nursery. What are your thoughts? I am going to be this way with Lil Peanut too- it’s just the Mama I am and how much love I have for my kiddos! It is always always going to be so hard for me to leave my kids no matter what.
So once again- I have wrote a novel! Any feedback or suggestions on this? I feel I am right with what I am saying even though it crushes me- what do you think???
After service Eli was very happy to see Noah and I! The lady told me he did just fine and was around this lil boy the whole time and played with him- made me happy to hear that but oh boy do I ever feel terrible…
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